Our Geek Home

Creating our geeky home together

It’s hard…

I’ve been delaying this too long.

I realize I dropped off the face of the earth.  It wasn’t the first time. It wont be the last.

No matter what I do, health problems plague.  This time I was pregnant.  And I had complications early on.  I spent a month on bed rest in early pregnancy, had an ultrasound every week, each showing a healthy heartbeat.  I lost the baby anyway in early October.

I don’t think I will ever recover from that.   I don’t think my husband ever will either.

But it’s time to move on.

To be as healthy as I can be.

I wallowed.  I wallowed a lot.  While I haven’t gained any weight, I haven’t lost any either.  And I need to.

We have been given the go ahead to try again.  That’s hard to wrap my head around.  What if it happens again?  It’s not like I can replace the baby we lost.

The house is a disaster.  I’m crawling, climbing, my way out of depression.  It’s a rough road.  But I’ll survive it.  I have to.

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